Helping me through
by Always Angel 87
Summary: Spike meets a new Slayer while traveling after the battle with Wolfram and Hart.
1. Chapter 1

Every inch of the ground was covered with various demon parts and bodies. They had killed hundreds, maybe even thousands, but instead of thinning out the number of demons kept increasing. Spike sighed tiredly and paused for a moment to catch an un-needed breath. They had been fighting for bloody hours now and he was starting to tire. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up. He hoped that by some miracle this ended soon or they were all majorly fucked. He and the others had been separated a while ago and his gaze swept frantically for a sign of them. He finally spotted Illyria in a corner doing some serious damage to four vampires. At the same time she was trying to keep Gunn covered while he took a much needed rest behind her.

Spike smiled to himself in satisfaction to see him doing well. Gunn had been seriously injured while taking out the senator but yet he was still going strong. Charlie boy was defiantly a fighter. Spike watched Illyria fight for a moment. The girl was a force of her own and there was no doubt in Spike's mind that she would survive this battle.

His gaze swept the alley some more until he found Angel. His grand sire had led them into this battle believing they wouldn't get out of it alive. They had already lost Wesley and Spike was determined that nobody else was gonna die. Angel was so engrossed in his current battle that he didn't notice the vampire that was sneaking up behind him. Spike grabbed up his sword and raced to his grand sire's aide just as the vampire lifted his stake and brought it down for the killing blow.


	2. Chapter 2

Time seemed to slow as Spike raced to save Angel. Halfway there he realized that he wasn't going to make it on time. He watched horrified as the vamp drove its stake home. Angel roared in pain and looked down in surprise at the tip of the stake now protruding from his chest. He looked up and for one brief moment his eyes met Spike's. " Buffy" He whispered before crumbling to dust.

Spike awoke with a start covered in sweat. "Bloody hell!" He muttered. It had been over a year and he was still dreaming about the last battle with Wolfram and Hart. Still dreaming about not being able to save Angel. If he had just ran faster..." You still would'nt've been able to save him you stupid git!" He scolded himself.

For the first couple of months he kept replaying the battle in his mind, coming up with different ways for him to have saved Angel. In one of his fantasies, because thats what they were, he got to Angel,pushed him aside and was staked in his place. Sadly though, he hadn't been able to save him and his grand sire,or what remained of him that is, was now in a jar that he planed on giving to Buffy. Whenever he got the balls to go see her that is.

Although he had claimed to hate his grand sire he missed him dearly. The big poof had become like a brother to him and his death caused him a great deal of grief. No matter how hard Gunn tried to convince him other wise, he blamed himself. For months he was haunted with nightmares of repercussions he would have to endure for letting Angel die. One particular dream was of him going to see Buffy and she staking him for letting Angel die. That dream alone was what kept him for going to see her.

Spike sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. When Angel had brought them together to take on the Senior Partners he made sure they understood they wouldn't come out of this alive. They had all gone into the fight expecting to die.

The fight had been brutal and it looked for a while that Angel had been right, they were all defiantly gonna die. Wesley was already dead and it was just a matter of time before the rest of them followed. Spike was ready to die, in fact he was counting on it. He was sick and tired of fighting the good fight and this battle would let him go out with a bang...again. Half way through the battle though he realized that he made a mistake signing up for this. He didn't want to die. He wanted the chance to see the li'l bit and Buffy one more time. he wanted the chance to look Buffy in the eyes and tell her that, although he still loved her and always would, he didn't want to be with her anymore. But the way the battle was going it looked like he wasn't going to get that chance.

Boy was he surprised that once Angel was dusted the demons and various other monsters were called off. It seemed the Senior Partners didn't give a damn about the rest of them, they just wanted Angel out of the way.

Once the demons had all cleared out and they were certain they weren't coming back, he and Illyria had taken Gunn to the hospital. Despite having a couple of nasty cuts and bruises and one stab wound, the doctors had said he would survive. A few stitches later and he was as good as new.

A week after Gunn got out of the hospital they all went their separate ways. Spike had no idea where Illyria went, but he still kept in touch with Gunn who had decided to go back to L.A. He himself hadn't really found a place to settle down. He just traveled from state to state fighting whatever nasty crossed his path and trying to get the balls to see Buffy. This week he found himself in Tallahassee Florida. He had no idea what, but his gut told him something was here for him. He got out of bed, pulled on clothes, and set out into the night to meet his destiny.


	3. Chapter 3

Blood ran down her leg in little rivers and began to form a small pool at her feet. She tightened her grip on the razor and pressed it harder into her skin, making a long shallow cut. She moved the blade and watched fascinated as the cut quickly closed over. Cutting had become her release this past year and since she was a slayer she didn't have to worry about her little habit leaving scars. She was thankful for that. The last year had been pure hell and cutting was her way of forgetting the pain of everyday life. There was something about the feel of the blade sliding against her skin, the sting of the cut, and watching the wound heal that soothed her. In a way it made her feel more alive than anything she did. Well almost anything.

Since finding out she was a slayer two and a half years ago her life had changed greatly. Slaying was her favorite extracurricular activity. It was the other thing besides cutting that made her feel alive. She loved the adrenaline rush she got when fighting vamps. Knowing that any battle could very well be her last excited her. She didn't know why, it just did. But it hadn't always been that way.

When she had first found out she was a slayer she hadn't wanted anything to do with that life. When offered the chance to be trained she had flat out refused. They had tried to convince her otherwise but she couldn't be persuaded. She had had too many good things going on in her life to be bothered with that mess. For over a year she stayed away from the life of a slayer. But all that changed when her life did. The one person she thought she could count to never leave her had turned and walked away. The pain she had felt had been unbearable and thats when she had turned to cutting.

She still remembered her first experience like it was yesterday. She had been laying in bed thinking how awful her life had become when, in an attempt to dull the pain, she had grabbed a box cutter and slashed her thigh. In a trance she had watched as the blood ran down her leg and had been fascinated when the cut closed over. She had cut herself again and again until she believed what she was seeing. It seemed being a slayer made her invincible. It had been then that she had called the council and said she was ready to be trained. A year later found her in college, without a watcher, and still cutting to ease the pain.


End file.
